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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.