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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about