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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.