Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.