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I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?