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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?