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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?