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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?