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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.