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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.