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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.