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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?