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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.