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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
word of the day: nincomtard
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?