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Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......