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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.