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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
No, Iām not funny. Iām just really mean and everyone thinks Iām joking.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch