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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.