Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.