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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.