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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Robots can do anything we set their mind to