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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.