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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her