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I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.