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Will be drunk until further notice.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.