Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?