Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.