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Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
My grocery cart right now says ā Iām getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!ā And also. āI like fruit.ā
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.