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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: β€œI don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
You ever notice β€œq”, β€œp”, β€œb” and β€œd” is the same letter but with a different angle.