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If only life was as easy as getting fat.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Lol at birds that walk places.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.