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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”