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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Take my advice, Iām not going to use it.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"