Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.