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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything