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When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.