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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.