Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
I try not to limit my madness to March.