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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team