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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.