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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy