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According to my nipples, summer is over
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.