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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.