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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I flunked anger management class.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.