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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!