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A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store