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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
A slug is just a divorced snail.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?