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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...