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If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)