Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Don`t waste my timeline.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.