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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
My tricks aren`t for kids.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend