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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.