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BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.