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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Go ahead caller 9!!
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
I need more people like me in my life
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.