Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."