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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.