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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver