Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY