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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Soup of the day: Beer
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."