Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.